My take on dating as a woman with ADHD


I’m always intrigued when I encounter other ADHDers’ writing on life with ADHD, especially in blog form. But one recent post, in particular, captivated me and spurred me to write up something in response.

Penned by Terena Bell, the post in question bears the compelling headline “Dating with ADHD: When do I tell a new partner about my health condition?”. Continue reading

The hidden reason ADHD girls are going undiagnosed

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It’s no secret ADHD women often go undiagnosed until well into adulthood — years and even decades later than their male counterparts

According to a recent CNN article, this is due in part to the fact that, “As a disorder traditionally seen as affecting males, and with males referred more often for a diagnosis, research to assess ADHD has been based on samples largely consisting of boys.”

A related explanation is that unlike little boys, whose hyperactivity sends up a red flag to teachers and parents, little girls tend toward symptoms of inattention. They struggle to concentrate and can often be found daydreaming — or so the existent literature on the subject says — and such behavior is less noticeable to adults who are in a position to get a child the help they need. So it goes that boys, at 12.1 percent, are more than twice as likely as girls, at 5.5 percent, to have current ADHD, according to the National Survey of Children’s Health 2003-2011.

But you know what? I call bullshit. That’s only half the story.

Continue reading

Countering the ADHD half-ass curse


I love the show “Parks & Recreation.” One of my favorite moments of the NBC series is in Season 4, Episode 16, when Ron Swanson sagaciously tells Leslie Knope, “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.”

That’s great advice. One, problem, though: I struggle to whole-ass even one thing. And I’m not alone.

What motivation?

Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder is, at its core, a problem with motivation. As I noted in a previous post, according to an article published in the journal Molecular Psychiatry in 2011, “Disruption of the dopamine reward pathway is associated with motivation deficits in ADHD adults.”

In other words, a person with ADHD has a lack of motivation to get motivated. And that, in turn, results in a whole lot of people, myself included, unable to get things not only done but also done well. The obvious solution is to sacrifice quality in the name of punctuality. But it’s not exactly ideal to have approximately 4 percent of the U.S. adult population not living up to their full intellectual potential. Remember, ADHD and intelligence aren’t mutually exclusive: Many ADHDers are born with an unusually high level of innate intelligence; many ADHDers tend to relish conducting research, especially online (more on this in a future post). 

Speaking, I flatter myself, as an ADHDer of both of those kinds, I can tell you firsthand how incredibly frustrating this is. I often have what I, at least, feel are genuinely brilliant ideas, but even if I manage to get them out, seeing a project or task through to completion always feels like a pipe dream for me. After all, the more complex your ideas, the harder you have to work to take them out of the realm of the hypothetical and put them into practice. 

Fighting back

Woman-in-cafe-with-laptopThe fact remains that ADHD or no, ideally, we’d all be able to work. It’s a source of financial security and the key to realizing the American Dream. Plus, much as we may deny it, life without some work is frankly kind of dull.

So what’s to be done?

First of all — and this is essential — you have to find work you like. I’m not saying you have to love every single moment, but you have to be interested in whatever the object of the work is and be enthused by the prospect of doing that work. This advice applies to job-related work and regular, everyday tasks, as well. Last year, I had a brief stint as an office manager at a nonprofit — I know, I know, nothing says ‘bright future in administrative work’ like chronic ADHD *ironic face*. But I believed in the mission of the organization and hoped that eventually, I would be able to move on to a position more suited to my talents. Yeah, that turned out to be a terrible strategy. If I never see another copy machine again, it will be too soon!

Likewise, you have to work within the constraints of your ADHD, dedicating your most focused time to the task in question, even if it means having to neglect (temporarily) household responsibilities or reschedule (politely) social commitments. That is a lesson I’m just now learning. In the past, I’d put other areas of my life on the back burner because I felt I had no choice; often, I wouldn’t even realize I was doing it until after the fact. Now, however, I prioritize with intentionality. 

Finally, you must, must, MUST play to your strengths. To establish myself as a name to remember in the blogosphere, I’m supposed to have an active presence on multiple social media platforms, promoting every post multiple times. But with only 10 hours a day in which I can concentrate, I just don’t have the time to play the social media game. One thing I do have going for me, though, is a natural talent (again, I flatter myself) for writing. So I’ve chosen to focus on producing the best content possible for every single post, rather than attempting and failing to give my blog an ongoing active, involved social media presence (and I hope I’m succeeding).


The ADHD half-ass curse is no laughing matter. When you’re in thrall to it, it can derail your life, and thus, your happiness. But if you find work that is meaningful to you, work that you could see yourself doing if you didn’t have ADHD, and find innovative ways to do it with ADHD, you can face the working world like any other woman. Good luck!


Why I’ll still be taking pills even if I get pregnant: a follow-up

A few months ago, I shared a post in which I revealed I’m planning to continue taking my ADHD medications even if and when I someday get pregnant. I explained that I literally wouldn’t be able to afford to stop taking my daily dose of CNS stimulants; sans pills, I can barely function, which means I would be unable to work (or even drive to work, for that matter). In short, I would have to risk exposing my unborn child to all manner of adverse health outcomes in utero.


As it turns out, however, such exposure may be far less likely than originally thought. As reported in a Nov. 29 ADDitude article, “The risks associated with taking an ADHD stimulant medication during pregnancy are real, but quite small,” according to an extensive population-based study published last month in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology

In the study, the authors examined a cohort of pregnant women “and their liveborn neonates” enrolled in Medicaid from 2000 to 2010. They compared women who took Adderall or Ritalin alone in the first half of pregnancy to unexposed women, and women who continued to take the medication past 20 weeks’ gestation to women who discontinued.

The takeaway? 

Psychostimulant use during pregnancy was associated with a small increased relative risk of preeclampsia and preterm birth. The absolute increases in risks are small and, thus, women with significant ADHD should not be counseled to suspend their ADHD treatment based on these findings.

This is an indisputably significant development in the field of ADHD research. Until now, studies of methylphenidate (Ritalin) use during pregnancy were based on cases “not representative of the general adult ADHD population having methylphenidate as monotherapy during pregnancy,” according to a 2014 systematic review published in the British Journal of Clinical Pharmacology. That is because “all the articles reported combinations of methylphenidate with either known teratogenic drugs or drugs of abuse.”

But this new revelation is equally noteworthy for what it represents. In the past, discussions of whether women should discontinue their ADHD medication during pregnancy were cloaked in foreboding language, declaring it should only be done “if the potential benefits to the mother outweigh the potential risks to the fetus.” To me, it seems inevitable any woman faced with such tacit guilt-tripping would opt to go off her daily pill regimen — to, in short, prioritize the safety of her unborn child over her own well-being.

Also, this new knowledge has given me a newfound sense of legitimacy. While I’m an ardent feminist, I can’t deny that in Western society, motherhood is held up as the quintessential state of womanhood. So when years ago I found out having ADHD may mean I could not become a mother — at least, not if I wanted to continue to receive treatment for it — I felt like an essential part of myself was forcibly eroded. It was as though I was no longer a real, full-fledged woman because I probably wouldn’t be able to have a baby. And it wouldn’t be for a legitimate reason, like income or infertility; it would, like so many other things, be dictated by my need to take medication, to engage in preemptive damage control of my disability. In essence, it would have meant a disability I had from birth would prevent me from giving birth, myself. And when that dawned on me, one thought repeatedly ran through my mind: “It’s not fair.” 

I don’t know if I’ll ever end up having a baby. As I said in my earlier post, because of the strong likelihood my offspring would have ADHD as well, I would only want to bring a child of mine into this world if I knew it were a world more tolerant of ADHD than the one in which I grew up. Plus, I couldn’t handle single parenthood, and I don’t know what the future holds for me vis-à-vis finding a life partner. 

But with the publication of this study, for the first time in my life, I know if circumstances do align for me, I’ll be able to do what I’ve always wanted — become a mother — without stigma and without the overwhelming fear of putting my baby at risk in the process. 

That’s an invaluable gift.